Malibu High (1979)

Director: Irving Berwick

Cast: Jill Lansing, Stuart Taylor, Katie Johnson

Synopsis: A failing high school student seduces her teachers then blackmails them into giving her good grades.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

I figured a strangled scream would sum up my feelings about watching this trash, and was going to leave it at that. But then I thought perhaps one day I would return to this review and wonder why watching Malibu High spurred me to scream so loudly, and would feel compelled to seek it out to satisfy my curiosity. So I thought I’d better articulate my feelings a little further because, trust me, nobody wants to be subjected to Malibu High more than once in their lifetime…

Jill Lansing (whose only screen credit this thankfully is) plays Kim Bentley, a slutty teen temptress who takes to blackmailing teachers into giving her an A grade in class after she’s lured them to a local beauty spot and seduced them. At the same time, she earns a little pin money by testing the suspension of Tony the pimp’s camper van with a succession of sleazy customers in a deserted car park. Clearly, Kim is an enterprising young lady. She even murders her suspicious school principal by shaking her naked boobs in the old boy’s face after first flushing his heart pills down the loo, and then takes out Tony when she receives an offer from a better class of pimp. This guy has tapped into Kim’s talent for killing, however, and is soon sending her off to carry out contract killings for him…

As if Malibu High’s storyline wasn’t bad enough, we also have to contend with amateurish acting, poor direction, jumpy editing and largely inaudible sound. As you’d expect from a grindhouse flick like this, the leading lady bares a lot of flesh, but there’s nothing graphic about the frequent sex scenes. In fact, Lansing and her partner of the moment roll around in their pants like a pair of fourteen-year-olds too scared to go all the way. And she has to be the only known gangster’s moll/prostitute/assassin that has to get up in the morning for school. Unless you’re a fan of really, really bad movies, don’t go anywhere near this one.

(Reviewed 14th September 2015)